


Almost A Goodbye

by holmes_wilson11



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Doctor Who Fusion, Conflict of Interests, Doctor Who References, Doctor Who Spoilers, Eleventh Doctor & Amy Pond Friendship, Eleventh Doctor Era, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s06e06 The Almost People, F/M, Gen, Goodbyes, Intense, Multiple Doctors (Doctor Who), Post-Episode: s06e06 The Almost People, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sex in a TARDIS, Sexual Tension, Spoilers, TARDIS Rooms, Tension, Travelling in the TARDIS (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-08-20 10:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20226415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holmes_wilson11/pseuds/holmes_wilson11
Summary: Your nightmares were filled with images of the doctor dying ever since you were there on the lake in Utah. You couldn't do anything to stop it then and now you had the chance to save his ganger, nothing mattered more. What happens when theres two doctors and one has questions as to why you saved him.





	1. Even Him?

“I never thought it possible.” The redhead muttered. 

“What?” He questioned. 

“You’re twice the man I thought you were.” Amy looked confused and emotionally conflicted as she came to the end of her embrace with the doctor, who we just found out was a ganger all along. 

Another loud, ground rumbling push at the door that was keeping us safe pulled them apart and Rory called out for her. She ran off towards him. And just like that, it was my turn. As if somehow I was meant to accept the situation for what it was. I knew that we couldn’t always save everyone but this was different. He was the doctor. 

“No.” I shook my head, my voice barely above a whisper. 

I was close enough that I reached out for his hand and laced our fingers together, tugging his arm softly towards the tardis. He smiled so brightly, so doctory. The look in his old kind eyes broke my heart, my chest felt like it was being crushed by the weight of all this. 

“Oh Y/N, its ok. Your Doctor is standing right behind you. There is a whole universe to explore and don’t think you’ve got out of all that running. Not for a second.” His free hand lifted, one finger softly brushing over my nose in endearment. “You have planets to save and people to meet yet. Big complicated space time events that need you and him.” He was saying goodbye, a whimper escaped my mouth and my body started to shake involuntarily, I was panicking. 

I took a deep unsteady breath, feeling the pools of wet behind my eyes ready to spill over. No, not this again. I couldn’t watch him die a second time and act like it didn’t happen. 

“You.. are him and I am not letting you die here!” I would hear the desperation in my own voice. My words coming out with a strangulated power behind them. “After everything, the last few hours, you were right, both of you.” I glanced back towards the original doctor. “They are people and they deserve a chance, just like every alien does on all our adventures.” My eyes stung, turning back to the ganger. “I know this is what you do, be a good man but I’m not leaving here without you.” Hot tears spilled down my cheeks but at this point I was numb to that fact. I was not giving up, the doctor never did in impossible situations. 

A hand touched my shoulder, I didn’t dare look back. I knew it was my doctors. He had given up. I couldn’t gather enough information to know why but it hurt. 

“We need to go Y/N.” He sounded defeated, flat voiced, quite frankly it was odd for him. 

It took every last bit of strength I had not to turn around and slap him in the face. He didn’t understand. I was haunted with images of his body lifeless on that boat, completely helpless, I was unable to help him in any way. But this was different, we would be safe as soon as we got into his beautiful bigger on the inside box that was ever so close. 

“Go on, both of you.” Cleaves voice broke the tension. Ushering the flesh doctor and I with her hands. 

My eyes locked straight with hers. She had given me the slither of hope that I so desperately needed in the moment. Although I knew better, being with him made you better than that. She had been given this life, we don’t leave anyone behind if it can be helped. 

“You deserve a life too, as much as the doctor. Everyth-” I got cut off. 

“This is my factory and I’m not going anywhere! Now what do I have to do?” Her voice was stern, she had already made up her mind. 

I opened my mouth to protest but the doctor behind me tossed the sonic that was in his jackets pocket to his double. Who babbled a bit about it being on the right frequency to dissolve unstable flesh. All Cleaves had to do was press the button and accept fate. Her eyes didn’t flutter. She simply nodded and leaned her weight against the door. Another rumble and thump heaved against the metal. Time was running out. 

“Clear out, all of you.” She smiled at me. 

I nodded at her with the highest respect, eyes puffy from all my tears. The real doctor behind me rushed inside the tardis with Amy and Rory in front of him, both who were looking quite horrified. Amy was the only one I had heard protest to the death of the double. His ganger pulled at my hand now and we both ran towards the blue box that ensured our safety. 

Relief rushed through me once the tardis door closed and the familiar sound of her engine rung throughout the air. I gripped onto the railing tightly with one hand as the journey was never a smooth one and I was quite weak myself. 

“Uh, the energy from the tardis will stabilise the gangers for good. They’re people now.” 

“Even him?” I wiped my wet cheeks and slowly let go of his hand that I’d been holding this whole time. Stepping up the stairs to make eye contact with the other time lord, if what he was saying was true of course. 

“Yes, even him.” The doctor looked me in the eyes so intensely, his normal bubbly, childish self shrouded in darkness. It made my stomach churn, he gave in so easily to what could have happened. Maybe he wanted me to leave him behind but that didn’t sound like the doctor. 

“And what happens to me?” The original Cleaves interrupted our staring match. 

The rest became background noise as I slowly navigated up past the console and stairs, absentmindedly following the winding corridors of the time machine. Getting lost in the bends, the round things on the walls became a welcome comfort.


	2. Life Among Other Things

I found myself coming back to reality on the floor of the kitchen, knees tucked up to my chest and water dripping off my chin. I didn’t know how long I had walked around for or really how long I had been here. Memories insisted on flooding back to me freshly out of my dysphoria, memories not only of today but the day I never talked about. It really did seem like a long time ago. The ponds and I had been travelling with him for months again now. The glimpses of moments I forgot were always short lived but when I felt my happiest. Worrying about something that was 200 years in his future and 6 months ago in my past was frustrating and had done things to me that I couldn’t foresee until it happened. 

The way he looked at me earlier. In all the time I’d been with him not once had I seen such darkness inside those eyes. I felt like I was in trouble for saving his ganger when in any other situation that would have been him, risking his life to save another, risking his life to save me. My stomach was in knots again, anxiety clinging to my distress. 

“Y/N?” His voice, soft and whispery. Trying to be delicate. 

He’d found me. My eyes closed tightly, the last thing I needed right now was for him to comfort me. I heard his footsteps draw closer, of course it didn’t work like that. He was a stupidly good man. My head felt like it was going to explode with the intense banging behind my eyes. But I couldn’t move even if I wanted to run away from this impending conversation. If I couldn’t tell him, how was he meant to make me feel better. 

“I’ve been trying to find you for hours.” He sounded worried, I could almost feel his breath fan over my face. 

My eyes peeked open through slits, he was knelt in front of me, forehead wrinkled with concern. I glanced down at his shoes, sneakers. Ganger. 

“You haven’t swapped again have you? Not that it matters now, I just” I trailed off and took a deep breath, completely exhausted on every level, not wanting to get into my own explanation. 

“No, we didn’t swap again. I am the flesh. Obviously the doctor and I know the difference between us but as we saw before, you don’t, so I'll wear sneakers from now on, me in sneakers oh that doesn’t sound right, does it? At least I get to keep my bowtie, bowties are cool.” He adjusted the piece of material around his neck even though it was clearly perfectly in place, raising his eyebrows oozing overconfidence in a way only he could. 

“Why?” I questioned, confused. “There isn’t any difference anymore Doctor, you both are the most important men in the universe. Two of you, I just thought that over now and what on earth have I done.” A manic laugh bounced off the walls before I could stop myself for letting it out. 

“You might feel that way right now Y/N, but you’re avoiding him. If he had come in here instead would you have talked to him?” 

My head lifted to look him in the eyes. His were already on me, looking down at me intently. 

“I don’t want to talk to him right now. I know you are him but..” I sighed, wiping my face off with my hand in frustration.“It's more complicated than you know, either of you. Every time I close my eyes I-I see..” My vision blurred over as I stared off into the distance, It was eating away at me, holding this massive secret from him. I knew Amy felt the same. 

“See what?” He pressured gingerly. 

“It doesn’t matter.” I mummered coldly. Knowing I’d never be able to tell him without something in the world ripping apart. 

The conversation died with my contention, heartbeats full of silence passed. I felt a new sense of calmness flood the room after a while, making me feel safe once more. My body finally slumping on the spot. As I attempted to relax, I hadn’t even reconigned he’d shifted from in front of me to my side. 

“Can I ask you a question Y/N?” He was the first one to break the stillness, of course, no one could keep him for becoming antsy.

“I suppose.” My knees extended out and I could feel the muscles in my legs ache under my movement. I crossed my leg over the other and directed my attention towards him, moving my body slightly to face him better. 

I didn’t expect it but his hands grabbed for mine, cupping them between his own. The warmth of his skin made me realise how cold I was from my dissociative panic attack. It made me want to wrap my arms around him seeking out any heat. 

“I was more than happy to give my life today, It was an impossible situation. If you stayed with me you would have died and I would never forgive myself for that, I’ve told you before. You should have left me, I know am him but at the same time I will never be to you and you know that. So why would you save me?" He made sure to tread lightly with his words.

“You can’t be that daft Doctor or are you just slipping? You are the most incredible being I have ever met. The most stupid, brilliant, kind old man. If it ever came to it, I would gladly die to save you. I would give my life over and over again if it meant you kept yours for eternity. I fear the day I lose you more than dying myself. It's going to kill me when I do." I smiled up at him, sadness behind my eyes. I bit the corner of my lip intently. "You accepted death so easily, it wasn’t like you give in. Especially when safety was so close. I wasn't gonna let you kill yourself. I don't care if there's two of you. I just need you to be safe for me."

“Y/N.” He breathed out. "You don't stick around me to be safe. I am the most dangerous man in the universe."

"Yet I know that I’m safe, as long as you're here. You never give up, impossible or not and that's the best way to explain why you are dangerous." 

I knew he felt like he should fight me back on this one, yet he kept his normally very chatty mouth shut. His hands moving to grab my cheeks instead, vulnerability shining through. 

"My beautiful, generous, brave Y/N, don't ever change for anyone. Promise me that." His eyes lighting up with passion as his voice radiated throughout the kitchen in this sudden outburst. 

His fringe flopped in front of his eyes as he leaned closer to give my forehead a soft kiss. My heart swelled up at the gesture. Leaving a pleasant smile on my face and goofy one on his. Hands weakly releasing my cheeks to rest on my shoulders. 

"I can't make any promises Raggedy man." I couldn’t help but left myself grin at the pet name. 

"Oi, when will you stop calling me that? It has to get old at some point." He sounded really fakely offended for a second. 

"That's not happening." I mused back, searching his deep eyes for something. 

He attempted to say something but stopped under my gaze, holding it firmly. One of my cold hands pushing his hair back away from his face so I could see him better. 

It was stolen. This moment. Things like this never happened. Too much crazy, running, complicated, paradoxes. And although the doctor normally had no inkling on personal space this was different. 

His eyes gazed back into mine, almost as if he was searching for something as well; a moment. He placed his warm hand on my thigh, tentatively and with some obvious thought. I smiled at him lightly, getting lost in his simple yet awkward touch,uncharacteristically intimate for him. The corners of his mouth turned up in a quirky smile and I couldn't help but fall deeper into his presence. I placed my hand over his, gripping lightly and subconsciously being drawn in closer to his madness. His eyes darted down to our hands, his smile dropping into a low smirk; he knew what this was, he had a way of doing that. Our bodies gravitated towards each other unknowingly. 

“Oh go on then, what are you waiting for?” He questioned softly, his eyes exploring mine deeply. 

My breath caught in my throat as I stared up at him, my mind going fuzzy with impure longing and unaccountable worry. My hands cupped his disheveled face and I leant in tentatively, heart bouncing inside my chest. I stopped although dazed. If I did this, I don’t know if I could ever go back to my stupid normal life. And without words it meant too much. Hands sliding down to grab desperately at the collar of his tweed jacket. 

Sensing my thoughts, his hand moved back to my left cheek. 

“Y/N...” His voice shakily pleading me to continue as his hand guided me closer to his face. 

Close enough that everything I tried to see was a whole lot of blurr. Life was annoyingly unpredictable at the worst and best times. I’d already accepted that mine would probably end saving him or something worse dare I imagine. 

I pressed our lips together tentatively with a gentle hum from me, unable to resist his allure any longer. He reciprocated with just as much desire. Lips gentle and warm, the hand on my thigh grabbing tighter in the moment before moving up to my waist. Grasping it tightly coaxing my body to straddle his.


End file.
